Fully Loaded

She takes a deep breath and BOOM. She just realized that she forgets her mother's birthday! She has worked so hard lately she lost track of time. She loves her job but her job is too time consuming she doesn't even have time for herself: she literally doesn't even have time to be sick.

She wants to say "Wait the minute." to everything and STOP, then takes a very very good rest. Her ganglion cyst on her both hands are acting up again lately it hurts so bad at night when she wants to go to sleep. A long-good-night sleep has become a luxury thing she rarely gets.

She knows she needs the surgery to remove the ganglion cyst but she doesn't have the money and she doesn't want to bother her parents because she thinks that she burdened her parents too much already. So, she bears the pain.

She always wanted to be a strong person: a person who chooses to be strong when they have the right to break down and cry. Well, she cries a lot in her sleep. When she steps out her room she puts her bestest smile on her face so people won't notice her sadness.

She is fully loaded. She is full of dreams, passion, and love. She is full of anger and unspoken feelings as well, it drives her crazy: she is about this CLOSE to lose her mind. She has this guy by her side for so many years, just right in front of her eyes, but she literally pushed him away, she didn't let herself fall for this man. But when her barricades fall and the unlocked feelings run free from her brain pass through her throat and to all over her body, her heart hurts, it burns like a fucking hell. How come she became THAT STUPID denial little bitch? He is probably one of the most nicest guy she ever met in her life.

She oftenly misses him. She shares sooo many things with him, she has the same dream as his. She feels so happy when she is with him. When she had a problem with her then bf, he was the first person on her mind. He calms her down, only he can do that. He does magic to her. (This is sound fucking disgusting, okay? HAHAHA)

But of course it's all too late then; he loves someone else. And why would a guy like him falls in love with a girl like her in the first place?? Will it make a difference if she realized it earlier and let him know her feelings? Would he be hers by now? Would they be happy then?

She said her goodbyes secretly to him, just as secret as her true feelings towards him.

The end.

And again, this is just another story (might be true, might be as false as Kim Kardashian's huge ass).

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DAMN I THINK I COULD BE A GOOD WRITER LEH! Watch out Stephenie Meyer! I might write a book about a silly thing called l.o.v.e and Twilight will look so stupid compared to my story.
LOLS.

gotta go now, xoxo

D.W

You name it!

There are a lot of things I want to let it all out of my brains right now. I am on fire, not literally. duh
I have this a lot of extra care, energy, and passion that I usually spend (waste) on my lousy relationship.

I have 1 main job, 2 side jobs.
If you are one of my loyal blog readers you will know how I have a small (but I'm very proud of it) creative house, named MONOKROM. Read the story here.
And I just launched my (accessories) online shop last December and it's been doing (surprisingly) very well. (thanks to my very supportive colleagues, friends, and family <3 )

I am such a hard-working girl right? lols
Play hard, work harder! After all, we are on our own. Don't take this wrong, but our parents or whoever you depend on, aren't going to live forever. So you have to learn how to be an independent creature; you will surprise yourself; you are much much stronger and better than you ever imagine.

I am addicted to this feeling, when I finally get something that I really wanted for a long time with my own money that I earn myself.

I feel like..


Money was never the reason behind my working-hard attitude. I KINDA HAVE THIS LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY. okay? I NEED MONEY LAH OF COURSE but I DON'T WORK FOR MONEY, but if you want to give me your money I WILL TAKE IT. LOL LOL.

My Mother always tells me and reminds me about how being lazy will be the obstruction of my own "upgrading" process, me upgrading as a human being, as a daughter, as a graphic designer ; simply at any kind of progress. It makes you stuck! And as a human being you have to step forwards, not standing steadily at your current position, or even worse, backwards.

That is why I HATE LAZY PEOPLE, especially when their laziness AFFECTS other people in a BAD BAD WAY! You want to go die then die yourself lah don't take me witchu!!! PI LO! (Thanks WH to teach me this, it means "KENTUT LAH...")

And I also cannot understand and WILL NEVER be understood how an extremely talented person, abandon their gift just because they are too lazy to upgrading themselves. FUCK YOU.  I hope your talent(s) disappeared rapidly and transferred too me. *evillaugh*

Do you know why I work so hard?
Because I know I am not really that talented in graphic design compares to MANY people out there. I oftenly struggle with the designing process which means I need more TIMES. So.. If I want to keep up with others.. I have to work harder due to my lack of talents; I don't have any other choices. And I don't want to have any regrets, cause having regrets feels like you shit in your pants at your holy matrimony.

And.. I love how my Mom told me once...
"You know Dewi, everything that you have right now, your sight, your hearing, your hands, your hair, your breath.. Your bag, your money... Are not really yours, God let you borrow them. So when God took some of these from you, you don't have to be angry because He just takes what's belong to Him."

It keeps me back down to earth every time I started acting like a cocky bitch.

SO START GIVING YOUR BEST BEFORE (YOUR) GOD(s) TAKES BACK YOUR TALENT(s) OKAY!!!! :) :)

In case you miss me, here is the newest pic of me:

BABY DOM SO CUTE, oh my God!!!!

Love,

D

Hallo-ween.

"I called it a quit because, loving someone who does not love you as much as you do love them is fucking exhausting. I did not give up but I have reached the point where I have to let it go, because it brought the worst in me." -DW


Happy Eid Ul-Adha for those who celebrate it and HAPPY HALLOWEEN! :3

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

I never celebrate halloween in my whole life. WHY? because it is not part of my culture and from my POV, (most of them) girls are abusing Halloween for dressing like a slut. Halloween suppose to be creepy, right? Not to make the men horny. LOLS. But if I had such a hot and sexy body I would wear those sexy tiny little outfits too. >:)

This year Halloween or October 31st 2012 is my last day in OMC. Yes, I quit my job, I feel like it is time for me to get out from my comfort zone. I would like to meet new people and go to the new places. So, I started to looking for a new job 3 weeks ago. I sent my CV and portfolio to precisely 6 agencies on the first day and to other 11 agencies on the next day. Got only 3 interview invitations in total, to be honest I FELT HOPELESS.

But there was this one company that caught my eyes on them. Their vacancy ads was soo creative and different from the others. And the company was in my number one list! They called me the next day after I sent my application and invited me for an interview. I WAS SOOO HAPPY AND EXCITED! XD. 3 days after the interview they sent me the offer to be their Associate Art Director, when they were originally seek for a Senior Graphic Designer. Feel fucking awesome when people really appreciate your work and your talent. So I accepted their offer and I feel blessed! 0:)

I hope that I won't disappoint them :p
yeayyyy! Hope everything runs smoothly!

I love my co-workers at OMC. They are already like a family to me.. Would like to thank them all for the warm and great hospitality during my stay there. I am sad that I have to leave them, but hey, a goodbye is just another new Hello, right? :)

"who seeks shall find." - Sophocles.


Love,

DW

FAB LANE.

Udah lama banget nitch ga ngeblog pake bahasa nenek moyang.
Lega banget rasanya jari2 tambun ini nari2 diatas keyboard tanpa harus bolak - balik ke Google Translate atau sekedar ngecek grammar di Google, dan Oxford Pocket Dictionary butut gue.

Tapi kadang-kadang kalo jiwa kebulean gue lagi keluar, gue lebih nyaman ngeblog pake bahasa inggeris. *kibas rambut*

Pernah gak lo berasa super cape, tapi lo ga bisa tidur ?
Dan itu bikin lo pengen nangis kejer buat luapin semua kecapean lo? Bengong dikit, mata berair. Lengah dikit, tau-tau lo lagi bengong. *bengongception*

Hidup gue sekarang semacam perempuan gila kerja. Apalagi sejak Monokrom resmi jalan dan bikin gue otomatis jadi Art Director di 2 design agencies sekaligus. Bangga? Tentunya. Cape? BANGET. Abis selesai ngantor di Cideng, gue masih harus ke PIK, seminggu 3x kesana. Dan kalo gue ga ke PIK, gue bawa pulang kerjaan ke rumah, pulang ngantor tidur bentar, lanjut kerja lagi. Nge-date? Boro-boro, gue sering banget malem mingguan sama laptop, terus pulang ke rumah bercumbu sama ranjang gue.

Semuanya gue jalanin dengan ikhlas, gue seneng dikasih kepercayaan sama Tuhan buat punya 2 tanggung jawab yang berbeda, artinya Tuhan taulah kalo gue mampu. Banyak yang mau cari kerjaan susah banget, ini gue malah ada 2. Harusnya gue seneng, ya kan?

Tapi ada titik dimana gue super duper merasa minder dan gak percaya diri bahwa gue mampu ngejalanin ini semua. Gue pernah ada kepikiran pengen mundur dari either Octis atau Monokrom karena gue takut banget ngecewain orang dan gue ga bisa ngasih apa yang mereka harepin dari gue. Tapi gue ga mau nyerah gitu aja, i am a fighter and i refuse to be a quitter.

Bukan berarti gue benci sama kerjaan gue, gue cinta banget sama kerjaan gue. Gue bisa liat diri gue sampe 40 tahun ke depan tetep bergelut di bidang graphic design tanpa bosen sedikit pun, I feel like I was born to be an awesome graphic designer. Tapi yah gitu... gue suka lost my grip dan gue bisa berubah dalam sekejap dari dewi yang kuat ke dewi yang super manja ples cengeng. -____-"

Untungnya gue punya nyokap yang bener-bener bisa jadi pelipur lara gue *halah*
Dipeluk dia, semua rasa khawatir, ketakutan akan masa depan, bayangan masa lalu, semuanya pupus dalam sekejap~ She must be some kind of a fairy godmother or sumthin. She is truly magical...

ANYWAY~
Blog gue udah sampe 3600views.. walopun gue jarang ngeblog dan bru setaonan ini aktif ngeblog, gue cuma mau bilang thank you for reading my blog! dan semoga lo ga bosen2 mampir di blog gue hehehe.

All is well.

Love,

Dewi

Swagger

They say life is all about choices, well it is true.

I usually went with the flow, I let myself drowning into my imagination, about how things would be as good as I thought it would be. But now I choose to wait and see, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, right? So there's no need to be hurry.

For the last 4 years I have always put someone else's happiness above mine and I was not truly happy, it didn't make me a better person, but I became someone else; it changed me. I finally can see it, we don't really need someone else to be happy, do we?

Now I am on my own and my life has never been this carefree and delightful before. I feel.. normal again because I am currently not in love with anyone nor have hatred towards someone, this feels fucking good! If I could only stay like this forever~ muahahahaha

Do you know why I could feel this good? because I finally realize that I can actually choose what kind of reaction or impact I want to apply upon myself, regarding the obstacles I am facing and I refuse to be sad, because I know I have a lot of other things to be happy about! My career is doing awesome, my business's growing faster than I could ever imagine, and I have the true friends who always been there for me, and much more to come, I believe! :D

What does not kill you, will only makes you a fighter, does it?
and then I am a blessed fighter.

Anyway, it's August already!
I am going to get through these remaining months of 2012 with SWAG.
I am going to let you see my awesomeness, this video below will probably my first and my last. and I probably will regret this later.. but what the heck, lets live with no limits! hahahahahaha
 

Bitches aint shit and they aint say nothing~ muahahahahahahhahahaa
Did you enjoy my stupidity? I hope you do, cause I do :D

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AUGUST'S PLAYLIST

Dynamic Duo - Guilty
"I'm the one who is guilty. It is all my fault, as i am the convict."

Nicki Minaj - Beez in the Trap (ohh yeahhhhh!!! muahahaha)
" a hundred motherfuckers can't tell me nothing."

Natalia Kills - Heaven
" cause i miss you everyday like they took summer away, like they took colors away, and this grey needs to get the hell way out of me."

The Wanted - Glad you came
" the sun goes down, the stars come out, and all that counts is here and now, my universe would never be the same, i'm glad you came"

Demi Lovato - Fix a Heart
" I tried to sever ties and I ended up with wounds to bind, like you're pouring salt in my cuts."

Ellie Goulding - Light
"I had a heart then but the queen has been over thrown"

Michelle Branch - Breathe
"If I just breathe, let it fill the space between, I'll know everything is alright."

Demi Lovato - Give your heart a break

"After all, you are on your own."


Love,


DW.

Funny People

Is it me or it's true that people are getting much much funnier these days??

I know these bunch of people who are literally loathe each other but they still hang out together. When the other is not around, the other ones talk behind his back, and vice versa. GROW UP, aren't you tired to be pretending all the fucking time?

Life is hard, sweetypie, don't make it any harder yourself. If you don't like someone just because you simply don't like them then don't pretend that you like them and be nice when they around and bitchy when they're not, that is simply annoying and low. LOW.

I know that some how we just don't get along with certain kind of people, we do have rights to make a choice about whom we want to make friends with and whom we choose to not to. BE REAL, that makes things easier and simpler.

Being nice to people we don't like is not being a hypocrite, it's about MANNER.
But pretending to "like" the people we don't like and talk shitty things behind their back is what society calls being a hypocrite.

Are you a hypocrite?
I am. sometimes. not all the time. oh we all do.

 

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JULY's Playlist!!

I currently listen to Lana Del Rey and LeeSsang now. LOVE THEM.

Lana Del Rey - Born to Die
" lost but now I am found.."

Lana Del Rey - Blue Jeans
-all the fucking lyrics!-

Leona Lewis ft. One Republic - Lost Then Found
"why do we say things we cant take back? and why do we miss what we never had?"

Katy Perry - Wide Awake
"I wish I knew then, what I know now. Wouldn't dive in, wouldn't bow down.."

Foster The People - Houdini

Sunday Girl - Love U More

LeeSsang ft Jung In - The Girl Who Can't Break Up and The Guy Who Can't Leave
"understanding each other in our sleepless night, my dreams become your future.."

LeeSsang ft Jung In - LesSang Blues

Kelly Clarkson - Dark Side
" Nobody's a picture perfect, but we're worth it, you know that we're worth it. Will you love me? Even with my dark side?"

and the entire songs from Asura Balbalta :D

I hope this month, things would become much better.
June was a little bit disaster to me cause I paid a lot of money to repair my onyx and now it's DEAD.
I had to buy a new phone and it cost me a fortune T-T.
Oh Lord bless me. and my financial.

Love,

D.W

Chapter XXIII : The Long Weekend

I went to a Korean Festival held by one of a hospitality college in Bogor last Saturday.  Was it good? HELL NO. I felt like a stupid adult young lady trapped in a bunch students; starting from primary to college/uni student whom are crazily in love with their Korean idol. I was a student 2 years ago. Fuck, I'm getting older!!!

How would I know about this festival? My older sister.
So my mom, my sister, my brother, and his wife went to Bogor basically for wasting our money for nothing. We paid 15.000 rupiahs/ person for the entrance and 5000rupiahs/food vouchers.
The food? Quite.. aw.. awful!!!

We finally ended up snacking and decided to leave after 25 minutes and we went to a MP (Macaroni Panggang/ Baked Macaroni) restaurant to have a REAL beautiful lunch with the REAL DELICIOUS food. YUM! Good food makes me happy!!

I ordered a tenderloin steak as my main course, Tiramisu Cake as my dessert, and Bintang Beer mixed with Sprite as my drink. and I did a lot of cam whoring in the car. muahahaha

Tenderloin Beef Steak served with boiled vegie and plain croquette

Beer Bintang mixed with SPRITE

AMAZING TIRAMISU CAKE

EXECUTED AWESOME TIRAMISU CAKE

On Sunday, my mom asked me to accompany her to a wedding of her primary school friend's daughter.
I hate wearing high heels and I hate the fact that I had to queue for my own food.. I was queuing up for about 25 minutes and when I am about to reach the front line, the chef told us that the sushi were finish. I WAS DAMN MAD!!!

And then when I was queuing for an unbelievably delicious warm brownies with ice cream on top of it, I saw someone throw away a beautiful-pink-roasted prawn.. I LOVE PRAWN, I am a prawn eater and I feel so sad when people wasting prawns!!! lol okay I know I am too much on this one.

I swear there will be no queuing on my *ehem* wedding party. If you think about it, it is quite rude to let your guests eating while standing. They come to celebrate your happy moment and yet they give you some ang pao lor.  I will set a table and chair for each one of my guests and I will make sure all of them got enough food and they got to pick what they want to eat! awesome, right??
And I'm planning to invite only close family and REAL best friends. If you loathe me and I loathe you too, you don't have to come, I wont bother to invite you either. LOLS.

This means if I invited you to my AWESOME wedding, you are at least a good friend for me :)
Am I getting married??  Not in 6-8 years, so I guess you still have enough time to make friends with me. muahahahaha

peace out, bitches!

"Stop holding on to what hurts and make room for what feels good." -@idillionaire




Love,


D.W

MAYDAY MAYDAY

"Orang yang mengatakan matahari mendatangkan kebahagiaan adalah orang yang tidak pernah menari di tengah hujan." - unknown writer.

It's May already!
Time flies super fast, or did someone in heaven press fast forward? lols

Life as we know it: things change, people change. You learn from the mistake you have done in the past: it made you a whole lot better, stronger person. I have done a lot of ugly things that I wish I didn't do, but I did it and I have to live on knowing what kind of a person I was.

When you failed once, try again. Failed twice, try harder. Failed thrice.. walk away. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. There is a fine line between giving up and knowing you have done enough, because sometimes, things are just don't work out as we hope it will.

I have always blaming myself for shits that happened in my life, I look down upon myself and I should have not done that. I have learned how I should value and appreciate myself more but not over do it :) and I think I deserve to have someone who actually gives a shit about me, who doesn't judge me for things that I have done wrong, just to sit and listen to all my craps and make me feel a lot of better. Thank you N and thank you, my supermegabestfriend, S!! cant wait to see you this end of the month! :D

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." 
- unknown.

I am so ready to be happy again. Are you? :)

And here's some pics of me camwhoring. lols

.

And this is Soraya, 2 years old little girl. Yaya is my co-worker's niece. Her dad is.. French? Australian?  I forgot le~ and her mom is Indonesian. The bottom line is, YAYA'S SUPER CUTE. FIX: IM GOING TO MARRY A (handsome) CAUCASIAN.

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And im going to share you my May's Playlist!!! :D

Adele - Take it all
" So is it over? is this really it? you're giving up easily, i thought you loved me more than this."

Mr. Little Jeans (RAC Remix) - Rescue Song
" i'm gonna rescue you, so you can rescue me too."

Christina Perri - A Thousand Year
" how can i love, when i am afraid to fall? but watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow"

Rihanna - Farewell
" just can't take the thought of you miles away, somebody is going to miss you, somebody is going to wish you were here, and that somebody is me"

One Republic - Say (All I need is)
I REALLY WANT TO QUOTE ALL THIS GODDAMN LYRICS LAH! go google it!!!

Okay, gotta go now crying to my sleep till my eyes got ugly and nasty . CUPSMWAH. :*
Just kidding, gotta go play L4D killing all zombies and shits!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA

source: here

Love,

D.W