Fully Loaded part 2

"Love happens to you. To us. And sometimes, just sometimes, it happens without you knowing.

And when you do realize it, things have become just a little bit too late." -  D

When people put me in a position where I have to defend myself, I choose to keep quite. They are trying to put me down, well it  is not gonna work, I am telling you. Why? Because I know my own values and I don't think my words would prove them wrong : my actions will.

I am not overly confident or what lah~  I am maybe young and just (almost) 22 years old, but I survived many hellholes and I've gone through a lot things that a regular 22 wouldn't get through. I worked my ass off to get to where I am now, I am not just some "lucky" girl. I deserve things that I have at this moment, cause I earned it myself. I have the choice for not being an independent person and depend on my parents rather than working this hard to earn a living. But hey, I am a born fighter. :)

I am exhausted: both physically and mentally. People asking me why I work so hard, is it because of money? No, it isn't. Money comes and goes.. we know that. It is simply because that's who I am. I do what I do based on my qualities, not because I am such a workaholic I guess, though I am addicted to my job.. or because anything or anyone else. This is me, I take things seriously, especially for something that I get paid for: I will make sure that I am worth every penny, people spent on me.

Last week has been one of the most toughest weeks in my whole life and what made it even worse is I don't have my tranquilizer. People take advantage of me, people disrespect me, they tried to put me down, stupid clients threw tantrums at me, but still what hurt me the most is your absence. Sorry, I can't let you stay, do you know that I am trying to save what we have?

Love,
D

Fully Loaded

She takes a deep breath and BOOM. She just realized that she forgets her mother's birthday! She has worked so hard lately she lost track of time. She loves her job but her job is too time consuming she doesn't even have time for herself: she literally doesn't even have time to be sick.

She wants to say "Wait the minute." to everything and STOP, then takes a very very good rest. Her ganglion cyst on her both hands are acting up again lately it hurts so bad at night when she wants to go to sleep. A long-good-night sleep has become a luxury thing she rarely gets.

She knows she needs the surgery to remove the ganglion cyst but she doesn't have the money and she doesn't want to bother her parents because she thinks that she burdened her parents too much already. So, she bears the pain.

She always wanted to be a strong person: a person who chooses to be strong when they have the right to break down and cry. Well, she cries a lot in her sleep. When she steps out her room she puts her bestest smile on her face so people won't notice her sadness.

She is fully loaded. She is full of dreams, passion, and love. She is full of anger and unspoken feelings as well, it drives her crazy: she is about this CLOSE to lose her mind. She has this guy by her side for so many years, just right in front of her eyes, but she literally pushed him away, she didn't let herself fall for this man. But when her barricades fall and the unlocked feelings run free from her brain pass through her throat and to all over her body, her heart hurts, it burns like a fucking hell. How come she became THAT STUPID denial little bitch? He is probably one of the most nicest guy she ever met in her life.

She oftenly misses him. She shares sooo many things with him, she has the same dream as his. She feels so happy when she is with him. When she had a problem with her then bf, he was the first person on her mind. He calms her down, only he can do that. He does magic to her. (This is sound fucking disgusting, okay? HAHAHA)

But of course it's all too late then; he loves someone else. And why would a guy like him falls in love with a girl like her in the first place?? Will it make a difference if she realized it earlier and let him know her feelings? Would he be hers by now? Would they be happy then?

She said her goodbyes secretly to him, just as secret as her true feelings towards him.

The end.

And again, this is just another story (might be true, might be as false as Kim Kardashian's huge ass).

--------

DAMN I THINK I COULD BE A GOOD WRITER LEH! Watch out Stephenie Meyer! I might write a book about a silly thing called l.o.v.e and Twilight will look so stupid compared to my story.
LOLS.

gotta go now, xoxo

D.W

You name it!

There are a lot of things I want to let it all out of my brains right now. I am on fire, not literally. duh
I have this a lot of extra care, energy, and passion that I usually spend (waste) on my lousy relationship.

I have 1 main job, 2 side jobs.
If you are one of my loyal blog readers you will know how I have a small (but I'm very proud of it) creative house, named MONOKROM. Read the story here.
And I just launched my (accessories) online shop last December and it's been doing (surprisingly) very well. (thanks to my very supportive colleagues, friends, and family <3 )

I am such a hard-working girl right? lols
Play hard, work harder! After all, we are on our own. Don't take this wrong, but our parents or whoever you depend on, aren't going to live forever. So you have to learn how to be an independent creature; you will surprise yourself; you are much much stronger and better than you ever imagine.

I am addicted to this feeling, when I finally get something that I really wanted for a long time with my own money that I earn myself.

I feel like..


Money was never the reason behind my working-hard attitude. I KINDA HAVE THIS LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY. okay? I NEED MONEY LAH OF COURSE but I DON'T WORK FOR MONEY, but if you want to give me your money I WILL TAKE IT. LOL LOL.

My Mother always tells me and reminds me about how being lazy will be the obstruction of my own "upgrading" process, me upgrading as a human being, as a daughter, as a graphic designer ; simply at any kind of progress. It makes you stuck! And as a human being you have to step forwards, not standing steadily at your current position, or even worse, backwards.

That is why I HATE LAZY PEOPLE, especially when their laziness AFFECTS other people in a BAD BAD WAY! You want to go die then die yourself lah don't take me witchu!!! PI LO! (Thanks WH to teach me this, it means "KENTUT LAH...")

And I also cannot understand and WILL NEVER be understood how an extremely talented person, abandon their gift just because they are too lazy to upgrading themselves. FUCK YOU.  I hope your talent(s) disappeared rapidly and transferred too me. *evillaugh*

Do you know why I work so hard?
Because I know I am not really that talented in graphic design compares to MANY people out there. I oftenly struggle with the designing process which means I need more TIMES. So.. If I want to keep up with others.. I have to work harder due to my lack of talents; I don't have any other choices. And I don't want to have any regrets, cause having regrets feels like you shit in your pants at your holy matrimony.

And.. I love how my Mom told me once...
"You know Dewi, everything that you have right now, your sight, your hearing, your hands, your hair, your breath.. Your bag, your money... Are not really yours, God let you borrow them. So when God took some of these from you, you don't have to be angry because He just takes what's belong to Him."

It keeps me back down to earth every time I started acting like a cocky bitch.

SO START GIVING YOUR BEST BEFORE (YOUR) GOD(s) TAKES BACK YOUR TALENT(s) OKAY!!!! :) :)

In case you miss me, here is the newest pic of me:

BABY DOM SO CUTE, oh my God!!!!

Love,

D